Wednesday, September 29, 2004

My Soul, Wait Thou Only Upon God

. . . for my expectation is from Him. I believe that's Psalm 62:5.

I just love my dog. I sit down with a bowl of cereal and here he is, waiting expectantly for me to toss him a flake or two. This has become a morning ritual with us that now occurs anytime he hears the rattling of the cereal box. I just can't resist his pleading look, and frankly I love when he begs! He puts his little paws up on my leg and looks at me with those big sad Boston Terrier eyes and just waits. He knows I'll come through for him.

I just wonder if I wait with such anticipation for God? So many times I drag myself into the worship service on Sundays and several songs are sung before I feel mentally present in the service. Sometimes when I read my Bible, I feel like I'm just going through the motions - although lately I've been trying to slow down and sometimes read the same chapter several days in row. But do I come to the table of God's richest bounty expecting to meet with God? Or am I on auto-pilot, there but not really?

Today I think I prayed expectantly for once at work. A wave of negative "IHTJ*" feelings were threatening to suck me under and I actually stopped and just prayed. I didn't think about praying (I tend to do that a lot). I really prayed. I just told God I'm desperate. I can't keep going like this - long stressful days and an attitude on top of everything.

I'm not sure, but I think He smiled down upon me. I'm pretty sure the warmth I felt was His face shining upon me. He was with me, I just know it.

*IHTJ - I Hate This Job! When things get really bad, I type a page of this to myself. IHTJ! IHTJ! IHTJ! IHTJ! IHTJ! After 100 or so lines of this, I usually begin to realize how silly and futile this is and get back to work.


Katrina said...

Love the analogy, Dianne! :) And, wanted to mention, your IHTJ typing seems to be great therapy - and so much cheaper than seeing a "professional." Sorry work isn't getting any better - I'm praying for you.

Dianne said...

Hey Katrina - thanks for reading. I have to say, work is actually much better and I am able to deal with things in a better way. It's a different kind of stress but get this - my new partner is a Christian! Goes to my sister's church! As Rachel Ray would say, "How cool is that?" Thanks for your prayers!