Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Going & Coming

So last week I went to the Greater Philly Writer's Conference. What a great experience all around. I met some great people - authors, editors and writers who are passionate about sharing God's word through the written word. I was challenged, of course, to move ahead with my own writing and send off some of the queries I've written. With the exception of an unexpectedly fun trip out to Philly, the going was great.

And then it was time to come home. The trip home took just over five hours - just like Mapquest promised (unlike the nine hour trip out) and it was a great time of pondering all I'd learned, catching up on some messages from God's word on CD and enjoying some worship music. And it was wonderful to be welcomed home by my sweet husband, who unselfishly encouraged me to go in the first place. The coming home was good.

And then I left again. No, not another trip away from home. But a leaving in my heart, a little emotional meltdown if you please. I walked into work Monday morning and just kind of fell apart, more than a little overwhelmed by all the emails and problems that had piled up in my absence, and fears regarding upcoming changes. Perhaps more tired and drained from the trip than I realized. And taken off guard by a few other realities.

So I left. Emotionally. Chose (that's hard for me to admit) to walk away from what I know to be true. That God loves me. That he has a purpose for my life. Chose to beat myself up for leaving rather than affirm myself in the truths that never change.

And then last night, finally, I settled down, turned to Psalm 139 and let God remind me that it's okay. He wasn't surprised by my leaving. He was with me (even though I refused to acknowledge him) when I left. And waiting for me when I returned. And the coming home was good.