Thursday, October 07, 2004

The Long Dark Tunnel

For some reason at this time of year, I fight the feeling that I'm going into a long dark tunnel. I can't see the end and the walls are closing in around me. It makes no sense because autumn is my favorite time of year. But when the days get shorter, and Mike starts back to school, it's hard not to feel overwhelmed by the thought of short days and long cold nights. I think once I recognized this tendency, it helped. I do try to relax more and not put so much pressure on myself about the state of my house, and other things. I can't say I actually struggle with depression but I feel for those who are do. No doubt there are more people struggling with the same feelings than I probably realize.

That's why I have to laugh at church sometimes. It's easy to smile my way through the crowds, nodding and offering neatly packaged greetings. It takes time to stop and find out how someone is really doing.

And even then, how many people can be totally honest with each other? Why do we have to appear perfect in the place God intended to be a repair station? If we're all really just works in progress, why do we strive to put on a mask of completion? I think it's okay, even for a leader, to say they had a rough day. The other night someone told me they told a group of leaders they oversee to just tell their followers things are "incredible" - never let them see any chinks, so to speak. I was flabbergasted, to say the least. I just think it's okay to be human at church.

Well that brings to mind another topic I hope to post on soon: Control freaks. More on that later.

As for the negative start to this post, I must say that day by day, God is teaching me how to overcome my rough days and I don't have near the feeling of dread I usually experience this time of year. But if some of those feelings can help me identify with a fellow Christian, then I can even thank God for these times.

1 comment:

Katrina said...

Hi Dianne -
I'm right there with you this time of year, although (not surprisingly - and in line with your other comments) I rarely tell people about it. It's not "serious" enough for me to throw around terms like Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I am certainly on the brink of the blues during the cold and dark winter months. I felt the first twinges of it Wednesday evening as we headed to church and I realized the sun was already heading for the hills. Fall is my favorite season, and I don't like these goofy feelings messing it up for me! :)

On another note, just read a joke in Reader's Digest you might appreciate:

"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Control freak - now you say 'control freak who?'"

That one gave me a smile, possibly because it hits a little too close to home.

Here's to sharing our chinks with each other - isn't that the way God intended it? "Bear one another's burdens...." Thanks for being a friend.