Music and Meditation

I've been using Pandora to listen to music at work. I can't choose the exact songs I want to hear but I get good variety within a genre and it's been a great way to be introduced to "new-to-me" artists. Recently I realized I could bookmark songs I really like, and further realized when I viewed my bookmarked music, I could easily download those tunes via Amazon (or iTunes). Yippee! 17 new songs! (Sorry, I am not an iTunes user so I can't offer you an iMix, and I can't even snag a list to post here).

So that's the music part. Now for the meditation. Yesterday morning I was blessed to spend a few hours at a nearby retreat center. I knew I wanted to spend some time in the first few chapters of I Samuel, in the story of Hannah. A book I read a few years ago had some guidelines for a retreat based on this story. Tonight while walking at the local rec center, listening to my new music on my MP3 player, I found myself still considering my reading from yesterday. And the coolest thing happened. Song after song seemed to reflect thoughts and prayers she might have had. And I was able to totally immerse myself in Hannah's story through the music.

This has also been the case as I've been listening to Charlie Hall's new CD, Bright Sadness, and especially the song New Year. I've also been reading through Colossians lately. Part of the lyrics of the song New Year remind me of how deep and full Paul's joy must have been, in contrast with his life as a mission of hatred before he came to Christ:

My heart beats like a drum, flying up with the sun,
I grab your hand again.
Renovated with life, my eyes again bright,
And you are radiant.

Where hope can hold my hand of sorrow,
and we can walk into tomorrow. . . .
This is a new year, this is a new day to rise,
Shine, and point the way to God's great life.

Both of these experiences have given me another way to appreciate the power of story in Scripture, as music has given these Biblical characters a whole new dimension for me. I love how God always finds ways like this to get through to my heart.

So I'm curious. Are there any worship songs that help you live more deeply into the stories in Scripture? How does music play into your worship?

Art and Beauty

I had to take my car to the shop the other day to get an estimate on some body work I need done (IMHO a little unnoticeable ding but to my husband, an embarrassing eyesore!) The estimator spent about 15 minutes explaining my options to me, waving his hands over the car as he did so. You could tell he enjoys his work. As I was pulling away, I noticed a tech getting ready to pull a wrecked car into the garage. And I wondered if he looked at that car as a kind of blank canvas, or ugly lump of clay, just waiting for him to draw out the beauty.

Later that week, I was in a meeting at work where several members of our accounting group were explaining some of their processes to our group of sales and customer service personnel. I swear I saw their eyes light up as they elaborated on what seemed to be tedious and mind-boggling procedures.

And that got me thinking, I wonder if everyone sees beauty in what they do, if they view their work as art. Or is that reserved for certain personality types?

For me, beauty emerges when things work together properly. When I can have a hand in that, all the better. When words line up as they should, to draw forth a picture of what is most true, that's beautiful to me. When I'm cooking and ingredients come together just right, and flavors marry well, that's beautiful to me. I don't often find this in my day job, although occasionally, when I'm working on a big project that requires a lot of creative thinking to pull things together, I get a glimpse of beauty in a very odd sort of way. Back in the day, I used to do quite a bit of artwork - mostly calligraphy, sign lettering, some graphic design and a bit of watercolor and pen and ink work. That, although art and enjoyable, was not necessarily beauty to me. Why? It usually didn't involve much creativity.

How important is beauty to you? How do YOU perceive beauty? Do you feel compelled to create beauty, or are you content to just enjoy it? I ask, mostly out of curiosity, wanting to get a glimpse of how others view work and life. Is your work beautiful or do you find it elsewhere? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Four Bucks, Four Bucks, Four Bucks!

* Updated. I won! Two bucks, two bucks, two bucks!

I've had good luck buying clothes off eBay, believe it or not. Usually because I'm just looking to fill in a gap in my wardrobe . . . white blouse, black jeans, etc. I stick to the 3 L's (Land's End, LL Bean and Levi) and just check for the item in my size.

So I was thrilled to see a Land's End khaki skirt in my size with a starting bid of just $1.99. The same skirt new would run about $39. What a deal. Being the generous, lavish soul that I am, I figured I'd bid $4.00. Four bucks, four bucks, four bucks. With shipping, that would bring the total to $10, which suits me just fine.

Now I have bid competitively on eBay for a few things. You know, where you sit and try to outbid someone down to the wire. I think I've done that twice. But I'm not a very competitive person. Usually I stick to Buy-It-Now items, or I enter my max bid and am done with it. Whatever will be, will be . . . let the bids fall where they may.

But for some reason yesterday I checked back on my bid. I really wanted that skirt. I'd be willing to pay a little more perhaps. Wonder if anyone else is looking at it? I'm so glad I looked. You won't believe how much I bid. Not $4. Not $40.00. Not even $400.00. Nope - I bid $4000.00 for a used skirt! Yikes!

And do you know what I did? Those of you who know me will not be surprised at this. I laughed. That's right, I laughed. Sometimes that's all I can think to do when I've done something really, really dumb.

When reality finally sunk in, I figured I'd have a hard time explaining this one to my husband, and I better start trying to remedy the situation. I sent off a frantic email to the seller, pointing to my 100% rating and begging for mercy. Then I figured out you can actually retract a bid on eBay in these kind of situations, so long as you rebid immediately. Whew!

Like I said, I almost always get great deals on eBay!

When I Am

And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain." Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?" God said to Moses, "I am who I am . This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' " Exodus 3:12-14

When Moses asked God for references so he could save face in front of his fellow Israelites, God did not reply with an impressive list of accomplishments. He did not remind Moses that he had created the universe, formed the earth out of nothing and fashioned man from mere dust. He did not parade the animals in front of him or give him a science lesson about the propagation of fruits and flowers. God did not feel the need to explain his background, nor did he tell Moses of all the wondrous works he planned to do. He simply said, "I AM."

How different from my tendency to constantly polish up my resume, mental and otherwise. Something happens however, as I learn to cease from my strivings and just be . . . when I am confident in God's love, living in the shadow of the cross, content with who I am and trusting God for who I am becoming. There is always time to do, to write, to speak, to serve. But if these don't come out of who I am, they are futile efforts, like trying to hurl a dandelion globe into the wind - they come flying back into my face.

We are not "I AM" - that belongs to God alone. But we are "I am," and understanding the essence of who we are and who God created us to be and just resting in that truth has to be the foundation of all we do.

Staying With the Questions

This past Sunday evening the retreat began with dinner, an opening session followed by evening prayer and then the "great silence," in which we were challenged to just be quiet for the night. Quiet for me meant not calling home, and avoiding the urge to dive into the one book I brought along, just because I think I have to be reading every spare moment! I noted in my journal about some tension I'd been experiencing and about which I was hoping to get some answers during these few days. Not tension as in stress, but that kind of tension that leaves you feeling pulled, often between two good things.

Wouldn't you know it, the next morning that was the topic of the first session - tension! (I never thought about all the tensions ministry leaders experience - between being and doing, truth telling vs. image management, etc.)

Needless to say, my heart perked up at the word "tension." Aha! Thank you in advance, God, for the answer. I'm all ears. Oops! Not quite. There wasn't an answer per se but rather a third way - the way of grace that comes with discernment. A challenge to stay with the questions. To be with the tension in God's presence. The creative tension, the leader referred to this as.

I can't tell you how world-rocking this was for me. I'm not exactly comfortable with questions. I want answers. But coming to understand that God is in the questions - well, I kind of want to be there.

I've been intrigued by this idea of questions vs. answers lately and recently started going through the book of Genesis, underlining questions. The first three questions God asks are rather revealing: Where are you? Who told you you were naked? What is this you have done? It was through these questions that God spoke to mankind about the truth of their situation. Jesus continues with the question approach throughout his ministry. So it makes sense to me to learn to welcome questions and even be able to ask them of myself.

Solid Places

I'll tell you a secret. Even though I am a person who loves order, much of my life has been lived in disorder. You know - the squeaky wheel syndrome. Whatever squeals the loudest generally gets my attention. Trying to keep it together but not always managing where it matters most, in my soul. I have this mental image of myself as a would-be trapeze artist of sorts, mostly swinging about in mid-air, always grasping for that solid place, something to hold on to. Lots of holding my breath in between. Lots of flopping onto the net below. Hardly artistic!

But as I think more about trapeze artists, their art is centered around those solid places. The beginning platforms, those swinging bars or the outstretched hands of their fellow artists. Never getting off the platform would be pointless. Always hanging on to the bar would hardly be artistic. And the gravity factor makes constant hanging in mid-air impossible! The beauty of trapeze work is actually centered in the rhythm of grasping and letting go. And that's the way I want, I need, my life to be ordered - around solid places that are as much a part of faith as the day to day unknowns.

So what does this look like for a person who never plans to leave solid ground? I think for me it boils down to being intentional about some familiar Christian practices. Instead of acknowledging them as merely good ideas, realizing they need to be the bedrock around which my days revolve:

1. Silence - making a point to just sit and be quiet for a few minutes most mornings before I head off into the fray, even before I open my Bible.
   
2. Midday prayer - stopping in the middle of the day to spend a few minutes in prayer, usually written prayers. Because in the middle of the day, I really can't focus as well, it helps to just pray through the same psalm or other form of written prayer.
   
3. Evening review - taking time, as often as I remember, to just pause and think about the day before I drift off to sleep. A while back I read where a parent uses these three questions with his child at the end of the day: What was good about your day? What was hard about it? And where was God in this day? Somehow just pausing at day's end to look back and be thankful for God's presence seems to tie my days together a little better, helping me remember that God is the one who ordains my days.
   

Establishing healthy life-giving rhythms such as these was the focus of the retreat I participated in over the past few days. I had previously done a bit of reading on the topic, especially in two books by Ruth Haley Barton, who facilitated the retreat: Invitation to Solitude and Silence and Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation. So this was a great experience, time to put these rhythms into practice for an extended period of time and to consider how to continue to integrate such rhythms into my life.

Off the Page

"Off the page" is the phrase that comes to mind to describe what I've been experiencing in my life lately. Think three dimensional. Think comic strip characters brought to life on the big screen. Off the page and into real life. Think John 1:14: "the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us." And think 2 Corinthians 3:2: "you yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone."

What am I talking about? God keeps bringing people into my life who are living "off the page," so to speak. Living out the word of God in a real and powerful way that is speaking volumes into my life.

It's not like I haven't always had people like this in my life. My mom, for example, has consistently lived out her faith in such a way that has inspired both my sister and me over the years. I think the difference perhaps is that God's just been working over the soil of my heart, loosening up some very hardened ground and creating an increased sense of receptivity. The popular song lyric "open the eyes of my heart" comes to mind.

I think for the first time in my Christian life I'm starting to understand and appreciate the importance of community with other believers. I'm by nature a pretty private person, so it was easy for me to take the concept of a "personal relationship with Christ" to an extreme! But I'm learning that growing together is the way God meant for it to be. Yes, as some of us were discussing this morning, the commitment to growth is my responsibility. Only I can say "yes" to God and take that next step. But God really doesn't intend for that to happen in a vacuum. Again - nothing new here - except that I'm finally coming into awareness of this truth. Blogging has been instrumental in this awareness, in creating a safe space for me to share and in the sense of community it has offered, and so I have to thank each of you for being part of this journey over the last few years.

I'll be away for the next few days on a retreat of sorts - as opposed to the more or less private retreat I did last year, this will be more of a group experience. I don't exactly know what to expect but I'm quite excited about this opportunity. I would greatly covet your prayers that I will be open to God's voice and direction during this time, and that I would appropriately respond to his invitation to live life "off the page."

God of Our Yesterdays

I've been reading a great little book by Chris Tomlin called The Way I Was Made (thanks MC!) I think it was geared towards either youth or would-be worship leaders but God has spoken volumes to me through this little book. And who'd think a singer/songwriter would have such a way with words, but for Chris, the words seem to flow as easily on the written page as they do through his powerful music. Anyways, one chapter towards the end encouraged me to stop and ponder what God has done. Chris asks, "Can you look back along the road of faith and see how God has graciously worked in your life?" And I had to say, although I don't jump up and down about every stage of my life, realizing and remembering that God has been with me every step of the way does make me want to jump up and down.

And then on my way to work this morning, this song by Matt Redman came on that just reminded me that the God of my yesterdays is still very much at work in my life today.

God of Our Yesterdays
We were in the darkest night,
And wondered if our eyes would ever see the light,You were there, Lord,
We were in the storm again,
And wondered if we'd ever live in peace again,
You were there, Lord,
You were there is the struggle,
You were there in the fire,
You were there all the time.

Praise you, the God of our yesterdays,
Praise you, the God who is here today,
Praise you, our God, as tomorrow comes.

So whatever lies ahead,
Whatever roads our grateful hearts will come to tread,
You'll be there, Lord,
And we will fix our eyes on you,
And know that there is grace enough to see us through,
You'll be there, Lord,
You'll be there is the struggle,
You'll be there in the fight,
You'll be there all the time.

Praise you, the God of our yesterdays,
Praise you, the God who is here today,
Praise you, our God, as tomorrow comes.
We thank you for grace in our yesterdays,
We thank you for peace in our hearts today,
And thank you, our Joy, as tomorrow comes,
We will trust you, God.

You're always closer than we know,
Always more involved and in control,
We will trust our lives to you,
The One who was, and is, and is to come!

Praise you, the God of our yesterdays,
Praise you, the God who is here today,
Praise you, our God, as tomorrow comes.
We thank you for grace in our yesterdays,
We thank you for peace in our hearts today,
And thank you, our Joy, as tomorrow comes,
We will trust you, God.

When All Else Fails

A friend asked me why I hadn't been posting lately. The short answer - I got nothin'. Lots of drafts, nothing finished. Like soup, still simmering. La de da and you really don't want to know all the thoughts running through my brain on that one right now (actually they've kind of burrowed their way into my heart I think!)

In the interim, till I come up with something worth sharing, here's a hodgepodge of stuff - a lone flower poking it's head up through the thawing ground, just to let you know I'm still alive!

How's this for a great quote?

Earth is crammed with heaven,
and every common bush afire with God
but only he who sees
takes off his shoes. ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

My dad had quad bypass surgery last week. Although it seemed kind of sudden, looking back we can see God's perfect timing. He is doing well, thanks to my mom's wonderful care.

My dad is getting a new best friend . . . a Yorkie puppy! My mom read somewhere that people, men especially, who own a pet, have a much greater life expectancy. And voila! They're getting a dog! I just thought that was so sweet and can't wait till we're called upon to dog-sit! Here's a picture of Sir Buttons!


The other morning I awoke to a terrible surprise. My favorite morning show that I always woke up to was GONE! (That would be Gary and Beth on 92.9 FM for you 'Burghers!) Gone. Just. Like. That. I remember about 17 years ago the same thing happened . . . Dusty Rhodes hosted a great morning show on what is now WORD FM and one morning he was just gone.

Yesterday my friend went to get us coffee at lunch and ! our favorite place (Caribou Coffee) was no more. Just like that! Is it me? Reminds me of that terrible year in which my doctor, dentist and ob-gyn all quit. They were kind enough to send me letters at least. The coffee shop just closed.

On the topic of going out of business, what do you think when you see this happen? I hate to see it happen but I always think to myself - hey, at least they started something! How many of you have started your own business? Oh yeah, that reminds me - I have! (Really . . . I just need to get busy with it!)

Did you know that traditionally Easter is/was celebrated by the church as a season, not just a single day? Kind of makes sense, doesn't it? I mean one day people see Jesus hanging on the cross, his body bruised and bleeding beyond recognition. Days later he is walking amongst them, talking and eating with them. Do you think they went on living life as usual the day after the Resurrection? So why should we? Learning to view "holidays" as seasons has been a big on-going "a ha" moment for me of late.

Speaking of seasons, can I tell you how happy I am that spring has finally arrived (although she still seems a bit iffy on a 40F day in Pittsburgh)! I am convinced that the seasons, be they spring-summer-winter-fall or rainy/dry, are God's way of teaching us how to move through the seasons of our lives. We only get one chance at that, but every year God gives us a refresher course in how to adjust to transitions.

Lastly, speaking of transitions, I came across some thoughts I jotted down from our Bible study last summer that seemed worth sharing (and I apologize I can't recall the exact source). Some questions to ask yourself when you realize you're in a time of transition:
What are you grateful for?
What do you need to let go of?
What do you need to take hold of?
And who do you trust?

And to my 2 blogger friends who are still waiting in the wings . . . what are you waiting for, girls? (you know who you are!!) Come on and join the fun!

The Basin and the Towel

This week has been anything but a holy one for the disciples. One minute they were dreading the trip to Jerusalem, the next they were breathing a sigh of relief as they saw the crowd praising and acclaiming him as king. They could barely look ahead from one day to the next, each moment giving rise to the deafening crescendo, the death of their friend and master.

Yet in the midst of this turmoil comes a moment of respite, as Jesus calls them away to share the Passover meal together. And tucked away in this account of their last meal together comes the most tender of moments. The one who days before had been acclaimed by all as King, and who would soon bear the greatest agony ever known to man, kneels before each of them in humility and tenderly washes their feet.

Peter speaks for all of them when he asks Jesus what he’s doing. And Jesus assures him that, although they can't possibly understand it now, someday they will. The disciples squirm in discomfort as they watch and wait their turn. Why was their master humiliating himself like this, performing a task reserved for the lowliest of servants? I imagine him as he approached each of them, looking up at them with gentle eyes and whispering words of assurance, perhaps sharing a memory or two. “I love you. I care about you. I know you’re afraid of what lies ahead. I understand. And I’m here for you.”

In this time of great uncertainty about their future, perhaps Jesus was saying, "This is how you'll be able to go on. Be in community with one another. Be there for each other. When it comes to serving your brother, nothing is beneath you. Quit worrying about your place in the pack. It's not about you; it's about each other."

I think Michael Card, in his song The Basin and the Towel, captures the essence and beauty of this night:

In an upstairs room
A parable is just about to come alive
And while they bicker about who's best
With a painful glance He'll silently rise
Their Savior Servant must show them how
Through the will of the water
And the tenderness of the towel

In any ordinary place
On any ordinary day
The parable can live again
When one will kneel and one will yield
Our Savior Servant must show us how
Through the will of the water
And the tenderness of the towel

And the space between ourselves sometimes
Is more than the distance between the stars
By the fragile bridge of the servant's bow
We take up the basin and the towel

CHORUS
And the call is to community
The impoverished power that sets the soul free
In humility to take the vow
That day after day we must take up
The basin and the towel

(c)1994 Birdwing Music (a div. of the Sparrow Corporation) (ASCAP)
From Poiema by Michael Card

She's Changing My Life

Dark brown hair. Deep brown eyes that seem to peer back into my own. I picked her because she's the same age as my oldest niece but the similarities I think stop there. I look at her picture daily and am reminded how different her life is from mine. It puts my life in perspective. I could wish for her to have a life like mine, a privileged American living the dream, but is that what she really needs? Actually is it even what I need?

I’m reminded how we live in such a disposable society and how likely it is that she thrives on what others dispose of, including some of our disposable income, my few monthly dollars that go towards child sponsorship. Her clothes are most likely hand-me-downs or even cast offs. Her shoes – geez, I wonder if she even owns a pair and if they fit well and how far she has to walk each day and if she’s ever ridden in a car. I’m sure she doesn’t fret about rising gas prices like I do, but no doubt they affect her life in the long run. I can’t help thinking about her whenever I go to purchase a cup of coffee, wondering if she even had clean water to drink that day – and enough of it, with 4 or 5 siblings.

I think about all that goes into a mealtime for me - the preparation and decision making. I have choices and how often do I choose less than the best? Chances are she doesn't have many choices when it comes to eating. It is merely life-sustaining, if it is that at all. I have the luxury of time and space to think and dream. I wonder if she has any dreams for her life, beyond just surviving until the next day, in a country plagues by AIDS and hunger. I so take Jesus for granted, along with the multiple Bibles I own but often neglect, and I wonder if she’s ever heard his name and what he means to her.

At the end of the day, we’re not so very different, she and I. We both need a living breathing relationship with God our creator. And we’re both loved and cared for by our awesome God. We're connected by people at World Vision who make it possible for those of us who have way more than we'll ever need to share with those who have way less than they really need. Oh yes, I give a few dollars a month (really, about the cost of a daily cup of coffee - which I can still afford) towards her sponsorship, in hopes that she will thrive and that her community will grow into a self-sustaining entity. But she has already given me so much more.

Waiting Game

I always thought of myself as a pretty patient person. But lately I've come to realize that being passive (something I've been lovingly accused of) about something does not necessarily constitute patience in waiting. I think waiting is actually more active than it is passive. It implies a sense of prayerful expectation, doesn't it? Was Jacob waiting when he wrestled with the angel at the brook? Was Noah waiting while he built the ark?

What does waiting look like for you? What are you waiting for? And how do you know when the answer comes? (most likely just questions to be answered within your heart!) (and a p.s. in response to Becky's comment below - isn't the answer sometimes more than just something we "get"? Seems like sometimes it comes in the form of just clarity or direction or renewed hope.)

In the meantime, I'm returning to my own little waiting game! Leaving you with some lyrics that have blessed me in recent days:

When I am tired You bring me comfort
(I will wait; I will wait for You)
When I am weak You give me strength
(I will wait; I will wait for You)
When I can't walk You give me wings like an eagle
(I will wait; I will wait for You)
When I'm alone You bring me peace
(I will wait)
I will wait for Your mercy
I will wait for Your plan to unfold
I will wait for Your mercies are new every morning
When I am wounded You heal my broken bones
(I will wait; I will wait for You)
And when I sing You fill my heart with joy
(I will wait; I will wait for You)
And when I fear the unknown You give me peace
(I will wait; I will wait for You)
And when I call, You always answer me
(I will wait)
We wait for You like watchmen wait for morning
We wait for You like creation waits for spring
We wait for You knowing sometimes without warning
You reveal Your plan in ways that maybe we don't understand Aaron Shust (Whispered and Shouted)

God, the one and only—
I'll wait as long as he says.
Everything I hope for comes from him,
so why not?
He's solid rock under my feet,
breathing room for my soul,
An impregnable castle:
I'm set for life. Psalm 62:5-6 (The Message)

Face Time

Earlier this week, I had to travel with a few coworkers to visit a major account. The reason: they (the customer) needed face time. Honestly, I'm pretty sure that's about all they got from me - smiles and nods and the usual meet-and-greet handshakes, as I sat and mostly listened to my colleagues explain our course of action. They got face time, almost five hours. But you know, they need much more from us than face time. What they really want is assurance and confidence that we will be able to meet their needs on a consistent, proactive basis. They want action and communication. In short, and in their words, they need a partner.

I think I used to give God face time. Sunday mornings were his for sure. Possibly a few hours during the week. And morning devotions, as often as I could squeeze them in. In college, we had to fill out an activity report on such requirements. Perhaps more than build discipline in my life, it served to make such things mere duty.

Yes, there's something to be said for quiet moments spent listening to his voice, reading his word. There's a time and place to gather with others to worship. But God desires so much more than that, and slowly I am coming to realize you don't just give God face time. Even though we may tend to relegate him to corners of our lives, he remains present and involved, throughout each moment of the day. There's never a moment where we are out of his sight! How comforting is that!

And as incredible as it may seem, he invites us to partner with him to bring about his purpose in the world, as our current series at church in Ephesians is making quite clear. More than face time, God wants our faces turned toward him always, aware of his presence and work in and through our lives.

Words to Speak

Sometimes a few lyrics seem to frame what's on my heart and mind better than I can, and that's the case with this song I heard recently by Aaron Shust:

Give Me Words to Speak
Calloused and bruised/ dazed and confused
My Spirit is left wanting something more
Than my selfish hopes/ and my selfish dreams
I'm lying with my face down on the floor
Cryin out for more
Cryin out for more

Every night, every day/ I find that I have nothing I can say
So I stand here in silence, awaiting Your guidance
I'm wanting only Your voice to be heard
Let em be Your Words
Let em be your words

Give me words to speak
Don't let my Spirit sleep
Cause I can't think of anything worth saying
But I know that I owe You my life
So give me Words to speak
Don't let my Spirit sleep
(full lyrics here)

I really appreciated that Aaron has posted a few journal notes about the story behind each of his songs. As I listen to these lyrics, an image of an altar comes to mind, where the children of Israel gave back to God what he had given to them. In asking for words to speak, that is my prayer also - something to give back to God.

By the way, just wondering if you iPod or mp3 users have migrated away from CDs and gone to just downloading music? I haven't but am wondering if it doesn't make more sense. The only place I really listen to CDs anymore is in my car, and I could always burn a few favs onto a CD if need be, right? Besides, do we ever love every song on a CD?

Lately I've been listening to Pandora through IM Radio (a feature of MSN). It allows you to create your own radio stations, based on your favorite artists or songs. You don't have control over what it plays other than to give songs a "thumbs down" but it's been nice to listen to at work. I have several radio stations created: a worship one, an easy listening (John Tesh, Enya, etc.) one and my "Weird Mix" - anything from Chicago to Bread to BJ Thomas (like I said, weird!) 

Prayer Reminders

I haven't participated in a Works for Me Wednesday in ages but this is that kind of tip that is working for me and I just had to share.

I hate when I promise to pray for someone in a particular situation and forget. I'm not talking about praying for family and friends so much as those once in a while events like surgeries, moving, traveling, etc. And I'll just say it - prayer lists never really worked for me.

Again, this has to do with using the multiple calendar feature on Google Calendar. You can add several different "calendars" to show up on one calendar, and differentiate them by color. For instance, I have my personal calendar, meal planner, work schedule (came in handy to track overtime last fall), etc. So now I have a prayer calendar.

Since I look at Google Calendar several times throughout the day, it's a helpful reminder of people and events I want to keep in prayer. For example, a group from church is going to the Biloxi area to help with post-Katrina rebuilding efforts there. My mom is going on a mission trip to Spain. A family is moving. Someone is having surgery. So these events show up in bright teal several times a day throughout the month and kind of jog my memory.

I really do think Paul had the right idea - to pray without ceasing, or always be in an attitude of prayer. But with so many things vying for our mental and otherwise attention these days, sometimes a visual reminder goes a long way in keeping matters of prayer at the forefront of our minds.

So that's what is working for me right now, at least where prayer for others is concerned. Feel free to share something that works for you.

My Lenten Journey

Thinking back over the years I am amazed to see how God has used the season of Lent in my life, even though my observance of it has been mostly as a bystander:

• I observed smudges on people’s foreheads, and in ignorance pointed them out! Oops. (They were merely Ash Wednesday ashes.)
• I observed friends declaring what they were giving up for Lent. And felt a sense of secret chagrin that for that many weeks, I couldn’t share home-baked treats or lattes with them, not wanting to offend or tempt them.
• I observed my own sense of self-righteousness, sometimes proclaiming almost proudly that I didn’t observe Lent. Didn’t need to.
• I observed a personal lack of understanding of the biblical practice of fasting. I felt God challenge me to privately “give up” something as a reminder to pray for my friends during this season.
• I observed God at work in my heart, asking me to be open to seeing things afresh, stripped of preconceived notions about how things should look.
• I observed others observing Lent – not merely as a meaningless ritual or requirement for righteousness but as a season of letting go in order to grasp more tightly to things of God.
• I observed a growing curiosity about this tradition that is not specifically mentioned in the Bible and yet contains so many biblical elements.

Lent for me has been a strange but beautiful journey over the past fourteen years, one I didn’t even realize I was on. But for these reasons and more, I’m excited to embrace it more fully this year, and all that God has to teach me through it.

Reading the Stitches

A few months ago, I got it in my head that I could learn to knit. As a kid, I always wanted to learn to knit. My gram was an expert crocheter, but try as I might, I never really liked it. Crochet said pineapple doilies and lace and granny squares and daisy afghans - a mind-tangling array of possibilities. Knit said knitting and purling. Row upon row. Straightforward and simple.

So it happens that some ladies at church get together and knit or crochet projects to give away to homeless shelters, new mothers or sick children as the needs arise. Some of them were talking about it at Bible study one night. Hmm, I thought, I could learn to knit, get involved with something worthwhile, have something to keep me occupied while my husband watches TV at night, as well as get to know some other women. Oh and make some Christmas gifts. (who am I kidding!)

I started not one, not two but three projects before I ran into some many snags. So I met a friend one night at B&N. She taught me my most important lesson: learn to read the stitches. She made me look closely at my work. "This is a knit stitch. This is a purl stitch. The knit stitches look like "V's" while the purl stitches look like bumps."

You see, I'd been cruising along, knitting and purling but not always paying attention. When I'd realize I made a mistake, not knowing where I erred, I'd pull the whole thing out! Learning to read the stitches has made my knitting life so much easier.

And this weekend as I was knitting, I realized how important it is in life to read the stitches. To be aware of what's going on in my heart. In my home. In my relationships. And physically. What is God teaching me? Are there lessons he keeps bringing to the forefront of my mind? Where am I enjoying life-giving rhythms, and where am I out of sync? How have changes (of seasons or whatever) thrown me off course? As well, I need to read the stitches in others lives, to be attentive and considerate of where they are. What's _____ going through right now? What does she/he need? How can I pray for them?

Our lives are surely God's handiwork. He knows the finished picture and, day by day, is revealing more of that to us as he works in our lives. But we must pay attention to the stitches.

Pushing the Reset Button

The other night I did something I've been needing to do for a while. Got out my Leslie Sansone "Walk Away the Pounds" DVD. I prefer walking over most any type of exercise. But I do best when I'm walking around a track or path. A park in decent weather works quite well. Even the mall will do in a pinch. But walking to a DVD? I'm still not completely sold on it. Nevertheless, when it's too cold to walk outside or too late to go to the mall or track or park - well, if a DVD will get me moving, I'm all there. Especially when the space heaters are on in the gameroom. Did I mention I hate to be cold?

It occurred to me that the 15 oz. cans of fruit cocktail I was using as weights were probably not real effective. But swinging 26 oz. jars of spaghetti sauce just seems wrong.

Mike even joined me for a bit, although I'm pretty sure it was more for laughs than exercise. Let's just say my husband was not one of the male cheerleaders in high school! Oops, watch out for that ceiling fan, buddy! Okay, I think he lasted about a quarter mile.

In all seriousness though, as I huffed and puffed, I wondered why it's taken me this long to get moving. Yes, I hate to be cold. But even worse, I hate the feeling of stiffness that sets in during the winter months. I hate the melancholy feeling that lurks when the days are short and the nights long. For several weeks now I've been saying I just need to get moving. So what holds me back? Now that I did it tonight though, I'm sure I'll get back to doing it 3-4 times a week.

Sometimes growth and progress are not about doing something new, but rather pushing the reset button on the basics, either to get back on track or build on what we know. Reading through the Gospels, I'm reminded that this seemed to be Jesus' approach to growth - focusing on the basics and showing people how that looked.

I thought about this as I finalized my Prayer for 2008. It seems many of the things on my list reappear year after year. Whether it be prayer, managing our finances or taking care of our bodies, it always seems to come back to the same things - the basics. So this year, my goal is to embrace pushing the reset button, as many times as it takes to stay with what I know.

Thoughts on Church

This past Sunday I got up early and headed to my parents' church to surprise them with some cookies and snag a hug or two. Then I headed to my own church, which starts later. On my way, it was pretty obvious the only people on the road on that frigid Sunday morning were church goers. I mean, where else would the elderly couple driving well below the speed limit in a Grand Marquis be headed? I passed by several churches where parking lots were slowly filling. I ran into my friend at Starbuck's on her way to church. And then I finally arrived at my church. Whew!

A few thoughts were swirling around in my brain as I planted myself in my usual row:

1. I'm home! Happy to be with people I am coming to know and love. And how great it is that God places each of us in just the right church family in each season of our lives. (I'm coming to recognize that our lives truly are lived in seasons.)
   
2. We have nothing to fear just because not everyone worships like we do (amongst those of us who call God our Father and trust Christ as Savior). I think God is more accepting of diversity in and among the body of Christ than we are. We know we're supposed to accept each other within the local body - the local church. But why do we have a hard time accepting and embracing other local churches in the body of Christ at large?
   
3. A while ago I read a great post about competition vs. collaboration among churches. For some reason, scenes from the animated movie, An American Tale, keep popping into my mind. Remember all the little mouse families, huddled together in their mouse holes in fear of the big cats? Only when they emerged from hiding and banded together were they able to make a difference. What if we all recognized our place in the body of Christ and envisioned what we could accomplish in our communities together? What would happen if our local communities saw the people of God pitching in and being the hands and feet of God where the needs are greatest?
   
4. As followers of Christ, God is continually growing us into the people he needs us to be. Wouldn't the same hold true for churches . . . isn't transformational change a given? But I think we have to dismantle, or maybe allow God to dismantle, some of the boxes we put around our church experience in order to truly allow God to work.

Church. It's a beautiful thing.

Coming Home

Sometimes life can be pretty distracting, pulling us in many directions. Sometimes days like that string themselves together like a barrage of artillery fire. When I feel like that, I tend to respond in one of two ways. Sometimes I purposely distract myself even further, burying my head in a book or chilling out in front of the TV. Before I know it, the night is over and I’m headed for bed, blocking out the events of the day and kind of hiding from the next day.

But sometimes I remember to take a deep breath, to just sit and think through the day (or days). And then I’m in a place where I can invite God to speak to me. Not to see how I measure up or where I've failed, but rather to recognize his presence and work in my life. To just kind of curl up in his lap of love and acceptance. And that’s when I feel like I’m finally home.

Sometimes the old saying, “home is where the heart is” rings truer than we realize. If God speaks to us through our hearts and we’re not taking time to be aware of what’s going in our hearts, well . . . where are we? How well do we know our truest selves? And how often are we willing to take a look into our hearts and see where we really are? How are we feeling? Where are we needing to make changes or what changes are we needing to accept? What is God wanting to teach us?

We may not be off squandering our inheritance but sometimes we fail to live in awareness of it. I stray whenever I lose touch with who I am, when I get away from my God-intended purpose, when I lose sight of what God is doing in my life. Coming home, I’m learning, is not just for prodigal offspring. Over and over again, God invites us to come home – to listen to our hearts, to his Spirit as he speaks into our lives.