Waiting for a Miracle

"Never wait for a miracle. Go after your dream. Do your part to the very best of your ability and ask God to make up the difference. He won't act until we step out in faith." John C. Maxwell, Becoming a Person of Influence.

Just yesterday, I saw a "crack of light" - a beginning to an answer to prayer. The thing about it is I've been sitting back wishing and waiting for something to happen and yet never took any action until just recently. I guess someone could say this proves that prayer really doesn't work, since nothing happened until I acted. I see it differently. I see prayer and faith and obedience working together hand in hand. Yes, God expects us to pray in faith, believing. I'm learning He also expects us to act on that faith. It's not my efforts that bring about the answers; it's my willingness to act in obedience upon the faith that grows as I pray and turn things over to His control.

Memories of Gram

Today being my Gram's birthday, her fifth since she's been in Heaven, it seemed fitting to share a memory here.

It was a chilly February morning when I picked Gram up for our weekly shopping excursion. It was always the same routine . . . swing by the post office, and then head to town ten miles away. But today she had an extra errand on her mind.

"My photo license came. Can we stop by the driver's license center while we're out?"

A response formed in my mind immediately. Gram had to be nearing eighty years old, and since she'd broken her hip the previous year, she hadn't been able to get around nearly as well. She really shouldn't be driving. I couldn't remember the last time she'd been out behind the wheel. Her 1969 Olds Impala sat in the garage, it's golden luster dimmed a bit by the winter's dust covering it.

"Gram, I'm not sure," I started to say. Then I bit my tongue. Of course, Gram knew she would most likely never drive again. The license meant more than permission to drive. It represented hope. It represented dignity. Most of all, it represented her identity.

I thought back to years before, when we'd be coming home from a trip to town. Gram would stop the car once we got on the gravel road leading up to her house. She'd slide over and motion for me to get behind the wheel. Then tentatively I'd slip it into gear and maneuver the old Chrysler down the road and up the path she called her driveway, coming to a stop right in front of the garage doors. She'd look at me with a twinkle of approval in her eyes. It was our little secret; if my sister knew, she knew enough not to tell.

Of course, Gram knew I was only fourteen, much too young for my license. But looking back, I think she wanted to give me a sense of confidence. She believed in me. Maybe she knew one day we'd trade places for good and it would be my privilege to chauffeur her around.

"Sure Gram, no problem. We'll stop at the license center today." I glanced over at her. The twinkle was back in her eye.

The Cycle of Perfectionism

Recently, God has spoken to me about my perfectionist tendencies. No,not just about wanting to have the house in perfect order before I can have company, and not just about liking things a certain way and not being able to rest until they are just so. He's shown me that I'm caught in a cycle of perfectionism. What I mean by that is my inability to move forward in a certain area until ALL the pieces of the puzzle are perfectly in place. Needless to say, it's not often I move forward in any area of my life, because anyone who has been around for a while knows it's rare all the pieces are ever perfectly in place.

I'll give you one small example, a not so personal one. I want to redo my livingroom this year. I'd really like new furniture, but first I need to paint. But then we need new carpet too. And new carpet means new woodwork. But wait, do we want to stay in this house? Do we want to move? What kind of things to we need to do to this house before we move? How much new house can we afford? Will this mean I can't quit working? Well what if Iwent back to teaching? But I don't have my certification. And no one will accept my credits. So do I want to start over? But could we afford for both of us to be in school? Okay, some of this is a stretch but it illustrates the point - my livingroom, if I continue on this logical path, will remain as it is because I can't take that first step.

I'm convinced this cycle of perfectionism is a trap of the devil. See, I'm doing something. I'm investing my energy into making plans and pondering the accompanying obstacles. I can be exhausted, having done absolutely nothing at all! And that's just exactly what the devil wants.

What does God want? I think all He really wants is for me to take the next step. I can't see what lies ahead but this is where faith comes in. I think it boils down to just two words, which I've been repeating over and over to myself recently: "Obey Today." Sometimes I am so focused on figuring out the end that I neglect to do what I know. What's worse, sometimes I don'teven bother to pray about things because I've already convinced myself I know the outcome.

So this coming year, I hope to move forward where God wants me to move forward. I'm not going to fret about the unknowns or the obstacles (well, I probably will, but maybe less than usual). I'm going just try and take baby steps of obedience, day by day. And trust God to show me the next step.